I had the question posed to me this week “What is it that you really long for?  And how does everything you do work towards that?”

My answer?  “I don’t know.”

How sad is that?  I don’t even really know what I long for?  So, I sat down, and started thinking about it.

I think the thing that really stopped me was the word “long”.  It wasn’t “what do you want?” or “if you could have or do anything, what would it be?”  Because that would be a lot easier.  What do I want?  Well, the initial materialistic things come to mind:  money, house, vacation…..things that I think anyone could agree on.  Beyond the materialistic, I want my kids to grow up to be God-fearing adults, I would like to have my health, I would like to have my family be safe and healthy….again, things a lot of people could probably agree with.

But to “long” for something?  That’s a whole different thing.  That doesn’t bring thoughts of money or vacation to mind.  That brings to mind a gut-wrenching desire for something.  Something your soul yearns for.  The definition of “longing”, according to dictionary.com is a strong, persistent desire or craving, especially for something unattainable or distant”.

Hebrews 11, the “Hall of Faith” talks about longing:

13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; <sup class="crossreference" value="(AA)”> they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. <sup class="crossreference" value="(AB)”> And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. <sup class="crossreference" value="(AC)”> 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. <sup class="crossreference" value="(AD)”> 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. <sup class="crossreference" value="(AE)”> Therefore God is not ashamed <sup class="crossreference" value="(AF)”> to be called their God, <sup class="crossreference" value="(AG)”> for he has prepared a city <sup class="crossreference" value="(AH)”> for them. – Hebrews 11:13-16

So, back to the original question:  what do I long for?

Honestly?  I long to go home.  I long for the day that I will hear “Well done, good and faithful servant.”  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not miserable or anything like that.  I’m just weary.  Weary of the struggles of this world.

I long to be loved.  Loved for who I am, and that’s all.  Not for what I do, or what I look like, or what I say, or what I accomplish….just for me.  Which begs the question, well, aren’t you?  I don’t know.  I’m not sure who I am anymore.  That’s a whole other issue – the person that everyone sees and knows.  Is that who I really am?  Or is that who I’ve become, to fit in, to fill that need to be loved?  I don’t know.

And I long for a vibrant faith life.  To have a hunger for the Word that cannot be filled.  To absolutely be in love with my Savior. 

I don’t really get super, over-the-top excited about anything, but I wish I could be more excited about God.  That it would take over my life, my whole being….more than the knowledge and steadfast faith that I have. 

That’s what I long for…..what about you?  What does your soul yearn for?

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